Michael Avenatti, Stormy Daniels’ lawyer, is perhaps the most appealing candidate to fiscal conservatives in modern history. His skill to turn 13-year-old consensual sex between a porn star and a thrice-married reality TV star into a six-plus month story demonstrates his incredible frugality. Maximizing limited resources would be extremely useful if the U.S. were ever to climb out of its 21 trillion dollars in debt. He parlayed a seemingly inconsequential story into hundreds of hours of free publicity on “news” networks. In April alone, Avenatti appeared on CNN 36 times. His almost daily free advertisement on Morning Joe may beat anything Warren Buffett has accomplished.
To start a successful business, one must find a market for his product and get the most out of the least amount of resources. The media was thirsty for a salacious story about the president, but to justify it, they needed some legitimate concern to provide cover for their reporting of the scandalous. It was irrelevant how preposterous the connection was. Avenatti seized the moment by feeding the thirsty herd the campaign finance angle of the Stormy Daniels affair. Innovators like Steve Jobs, Elon Musk or even Henry Ford can’t shine a candle to Avenatti’s creativity.
It is tough to ascertain how Stormy Daniels was wronged by Donald Trump. She had a consensual affair with him, threatened to publicize this affair and was paid $130,000 not to do so. Avenatti, under the guise of protecting his client, felt that because Michael Cohen, President Trump’s lawyer, was the one who paid the blackmail fee, it was a campaign finance violation. Cohen’s supposed in kind contribution was reimbursed by Trump, which should have negated the story and allowed the hardworking journalists to get back to covering other pressing stories. I am certain that once the pressing Stormy Daniels saga ends, the media will start an investigation into the potential in-kind contribution that Donna Brazile made by surreptitiously providing Hillary Clinton debate questions ahead of time.
In probably his most contentious television appearance, Mr. Avenatti appeared on Tucker Carlson Tonight. The two went back and forth for over 10 minutes exchanging insults. Carlson asked Avenatti if he felt bad that, “Stormy Daniels was to perform in Richmond in a depressing strip club. This hero that you say you’re protecting, you’re her protector, why is she working in seedy strip clubs while you’re on television wearing expensive suits?” Carlson may have been the first to point out the irony that Daniels was paying Avenatti to represent her, even though Avenatti is flourishing professionally as evidenced by his dozens of television spots and presidential aspirations. Without Stormy Daniels, few would know who Michael Avenatti is. While some may deride Avenatti for his exploitation of Stormy Daniels, I am refreshed by his shameless ability to advance himself and would love such an advocate for our great nation.
Avenatti’s meteoric rise rivals the tournament success of the Villanova men’s basketball team over the past three years. Once President Avenatti takes office, he will implement seemingly stifling austerity measures that will yield prosperity unlike anything the country has seen before. I hope my fellow conservatives join me in supporting Mr. Avenatti.