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Lifestyle or obsession: Temple Run tips

By Madeline Reynolds
On February 8, 2012

 

If you don't know what Temple Run is, you are missing out not only on a game, but on an experience. I will not try to describe it here, just download the game and see for yourself. However, there are a couple things I wish I had realized before hitting "load." So as the good and giving Wildcat that I am, I would like to enlighten new members: 

1. You joined the bandwagon.  It was really exciting when you were eight to get a shiny Pokemon card or Britannia Beanie Baby to show off to your friend. This was until you realized that Stephanie Greenwald [insert your own grade school rival] got Britannia months early (still bitter). So let's be real: Your friends already play Temple Run, already have met many of their objectives and have probably unlocked Francisco Montoya the conquistador. Don't ask if they know what Temple Run is–-they do. Don't brag about your first power-up because they have all five. If you want to casually bring up that you prefer Guy Dangerous over Scarlet Fox but hope to work with Karma Lee one day, well, then you will soon be accepted. 

2. Use the phrases about why you lost the game as pick-up lines. Imagine going out at night and seeing that special someone from class. Do you need some confidence to make your move?  How about throwing out those fun quips from when you lose the game such as "Nom Nom Leathery" or "Trees Hurt?" If they respond with a flirty "Ants? Why did it have to be Ants!" you are golden and should reserve the St. Thomas of Villanova Church pronto.  

3. You can play on the way to class. You might sway a little, but people will seriously understand. They will assume you just hit the 9,000 meter mark and need to keep playing. Don't question it. It is socially acceptable. Just watch going up the steps of Tolentine. We all know that place is Wayside School.  However…

4. Don't play on the third and fourth floor of Falvey. Actually, just be careful playing anywhere in the library. You are going to scream when you make a stupid move, fidget when you double tap the resurrection wings (probably causing you to die anyway) and have heart palpitations with an increased boost of energy. These things happen and can enrage you. So please, take precaution: Don't play this game in a quiet area. You will be stared at and make an unforgivable Falvey Foul. Trust me. (Oh, and to the boy wearing the Yankees cap who shushed me last week, I really am sorry about that.)

5. Bring your phone charger everywhere. Kiss your iPhone battery goodbye with the amount of time you play this game. And yes, I did just negate every other smart phone, but consider this analogy: there was no way during elementary school recess that you were going to try and show off your new Giga Pet (unless they were banned at your school). You snuck in your Tamagotchi and that was that. 

6. People (me) will judge you for buying coins. Seriously, earn your upgrades. The Game Boy and Nintendo 64 gods will spite you for using money to buy your way through. We couldn't take out a Visa and buy peanuts for Diddy Kong's guns, so don't go trying to bring corruption to Temple Run. (And yes, liking it on Facebook to get a pay of 250 coins is even worse. Do you really want that publicly on your timeline?) 

But the No.1 thing I learned is that if you actually read this article and understand the references, reread it. I just did, and realized how crazy I sound. But do I care? Um, no. I just earned enough coins to buy the Evil Demon Money Wallpaper…be jealous. 


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